I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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