Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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