She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
