i used baking grease as lip gloss
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
