I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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