everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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