i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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