If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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