Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
