i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
