I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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