I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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