His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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