just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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