I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
