I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
