he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
