my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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