my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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