we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
