I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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