she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
