I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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