we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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