Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
