I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
