hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
