If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
