Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
