There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
