Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
