it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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