I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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