Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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