she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
