break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
