The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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