I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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