My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
