I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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