someone get that fucking seahorse.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just blew my weed a kiss
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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