It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
