So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
