I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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