dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
there is puke in my bra ... again
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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