when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
