New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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