on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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