Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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