While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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