Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
